VWA: Vampires With Anxiety

One of the reasons that I didn’t initially relate to being a Modern Vampire is that I had high levels of anxiety.  In my mind, a vampire was a cool, calm, collected, and centered being who either had their feelings totally in check or didn’t feel any strong emotion at all.

As I became familiar with the members of the modern Vampire Community, I became acutely aware that anxiety–as well as all of the other psychological and emotional disorders–are just as common in modern Sanguivores and Psychic Vampires, as they are in any other special group.  However–role players, aspirants and outsiders seem to play into the idea of the Fictional Vampire being emotionally cold or overly controlling of their emotions.  Despite evidence of legitimate Sanguinism or the need to energetically feed, sometimes the presence of anxiety is taken as an indication that one CANNOT be a Modern Vampire.  There is the idea that a “real” Vampire is perfect and not subject to any of the human illnesses or disorders.

Looking at the defining characteristics for Modern Vampires, there is the obligatory need for a Sanguivore to ingest blood and for a Psychic Vampire to feed on energy from a donor.  Beyond that–the human history, psychological health, and physical health of the individual can vary.  There is no guarantee that the vampire in question will be free from any particular emotional or physical disorder.

Speaking for myself, when my physical health is off, I feel my anxiety levels rise.  I suffer from generalized anxiety and have panic attacks, with less provocation than usual needed for an attack when I am physically unwell.  Since my body seems to be more delicate than the people around me, I’ve noticed that just letting my physical body get too hungry, I will feel more anxious…when only a snack will help me feel better.

As in the case of many Psychic Vampires, there is a notable decline in physical health because of the correspondingly low amount of vital energy being available in the subtle bodies.  An energetically-hungry Psychic Vampire is more prone to anxiety because of the imbalance on the subtler levels.

An emotional imbalance in the Energy Vampire might make it a bit harder for the vampire to interact with possible donors.  Ambient feeding is most easily done when the feeder is not drawing attention to themselves–when they are not nervous in any way and can blend into the crowd.

Direct feeding involves gaining permission from the donor.  To get express permission from a Donor, one needs to first interact with said Donor.  Being anxious is most likely to scare or put off others.  Especially if the Donor is not intimately familiar with the possible human flaws (including, anxiety) of Psychic Vampires, the idea that the feeding vampire does not fit the cliché of the supernaturally-healthy creature of myth, might prevent a feeding.

If you are experiencing anxiety, by all means perform all of the practical remedies.  And, if you are an obligate energy feeder, perform feeding in which you do not have to interact with other humans, to see if this anxiety is primarily hunger-induced.  Ambient feed from locations and groups that have large amounts of excess vital and psychic energy.  Also, engage in astral feeding and pull in energy from as many natural sources as possible (solar prana, earth prana, air prana).  Keeping energetically nourished might help prevent hunger-induced anxiety and nervousness.

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The Power and Problem of Sarcasm In The Vampire Community

 

Here’s the problem–I can be a very sarcastic person.

(No matter which community I’m participating in.)

And here’s the good thing–my sarcasm is part of my humor and creativity.

I’ll admit that I’m not the most consistent person. I might fluctuate on my behavior, depending on circumstance, personal mood, what I’ve had to eat physically and otherwise.  And I’ll also admit that I will let friends and closer associates get away with more bad behavior than people that I might know more casually or not at all.

Here’s the situation–I have many moments when I care about being helpful to others. As a self-identified Psychic Vampire, I care about my fellow Energy Feeders and Blood Feeders. As a metaphysician and energy healer, I care in general about all people being healthy, happy and growing into their spiritual awareness.

AND…because I am not completely enlightened (yet), have a human personality and a dry sense of humor…I am not always completely altruistic. I have a wicked sense of humor. I believe that I can be helpful and caring, when it seems the most appropriate. But, some of my more sarcastic reactions are saved for my private walls–sometimes out of context, without revealing the prompting scenario.

Speaking for my own experience, it seems that even though I do want to be helpful and give useful information to fellow Modern Vampires and help spread factual/relevant information about modern understanding of blood/energy vampirism–receptive and intelligent audiences are not always uniform throughout the internet and in-person worlds. Even with the best of my intentions, sometimes the simple truth is that people DO NOT WANT my information, as I understand and offer it.

In the Vampire Community–“aspirants” ask to be “turned,” others want validation that they are born special, and still others simply want confirmation that they are Vampire–even if their working definition is different than mine. Others just want to be accepted as part of a Community. My general intention is to provide the actual blood/energy feeders with appropriate and practical feeding information, to offer alternatives to non-vampires (when they “want to be” vampires) and educate the public with my particular interpretation and understanding of modern vampirism. Those are my working ideals.

However–I’ve noticed that not everyone wants to be told that they are wrong with their self-identification.  Sometimes, members want to argue when I don’t give them a “quick solution” by turning them. Upon disagreeing with my interpretation, I’ve had people drop the conversation, repeatedly insist that they are vampires, insist that I turn them or just not follow through on the alternative suggestions I give them. At some point, it started to feel like a timed game for me–how can I give this person the most useful information in the smallest amount of time, with the expectation that this is the only time that they will ever talk to me?

I eventually got burned out on that idea. My observation of people in-person (offline) and online is that people can be way more complicated than what their surface actions and conversation shows. They can have heavy emotional investments in their ideas–what they WANT to be true. They might not have the conscious recognition of what the motivating factors are in their convictions, only the surface NEED to have their beliefs be true. Not everyone is reasonable or completely conscious in their interactions with those of us in the Community.

So….let’s bring this all back to the SARCASM in our online Vampire Community. There is no rule that everyone has to be welcoming, warm and kind to everyone that wanders into the Community. We have our individual rules in our individual online groups and houses–so, we have our range of responses to the comments and statements that come up in our online forums. There are some members that I tend to avoid in the OVC–I’ve blocked a few. There are other members who I tend to avoid responding to, because they just seem so abrasive. Then, there are some of my friends who can be a little abrasive, when presented with apparent trolling–but, will respond kindly to more believable newcomer questions and remarks. Personal interactions on our Facebook walls aside, I’ve noticed that the sarcasm tends to come out in two types of threads, in general.

The first type of discussion that comes up is that within a heated debate–sarcasm usually comes up in the form of “how can you possible think that?”-spirit of response. During a heated discussion, we are usually arguing among intellectual equals or, at least, between those of us who have strong backbones and thick skins. In this context, the fighting ground is relatively fair–the bigger boys and girls who can serve it, as well as take it. Sarcasm can be served both ways by people who can hold their own.

The second kind of scenario where sarcasm is used in our groups is in response to a single poster’s comment or question–in which the poster says something which is considered outlandish…or seemingly a statement that a troll or role player would say. A popular activity that I’ve seen is when a post will be answered by a lot of eye-rolling and “oh, this again”-kind of responses. The first problem I tend to notice with this is that there is an almost instant camaraderie that people try to form by ganging up on the original poster. Given, some of these claims, questions and comments might seem outlandish–but, I tend to be cautious of those that jump on the sarcasm thread to gain instant credit in a sort of “mob mentality.”

The system is not a perfect one–there are trolls, people who know perfectly well how self-identified Modern Vampires define terms and understand ourselves.  Trolls provoke by asking ridiculous questions, even though they might know perfectly well how we use definitions and how we understand concepts.  Then we have the people who genuinely do not know how we define terms and concepts, have a fantastical (fictional) view of vampires and vampirism….and are mistaken in their self-identification or want to be transformed into a Fictional Vampire.  Those two groups alone make legitimate members of the GVC defensive and sometimes combative, when we perceive someone who is trying to deceive our community.

The problem with this is that we sometimes make assumptions about how real Obligate Sanguivores and Obligate Psychic Feeders are supposed to behave and respond.

Although this is not a universal understanding, my personal interpretation is that obligation to feed does not guarantee any other personality or intuitive traits.  In my experience, I am an obligate energy feeder, so I am using my personal history as a gauge for what is possible (though, not an absolute) in the psychic vampire personality.  I perceive that I have always had a need to feed on energy.  I personally have not always had the same degrees of the same knowledge and information that can be found in a seasoned member of the Community.  However, I wouldn’t ask such outlandish questions in public forums, like some members do.

As part of the Magickal/Pagan Community, we would explore the limits of possibility in a methodical manner.  Claims of the paranormal and metaphysical were put to the test through reasonable amounts of time preparing and executing magickal technique.  Part of this framework for discernment translates fairly neatly over to the topics, claims and beliefs of the Vampire World.

While I tend to lean over towards giving people the benefit of the doubt, I actually rely on my harsher and less forgiving counterparts in the Community.  In the bigger picture, it seems that we very much perform the good cop/bad cop scenario.  The aggressive and abrasive of us call out those of us who might not be the most sincere.  And then there are those of us who are more gentle in our approach–we are the ones that will take in those that want the important teachings of the Modern Vampire.  Hopefully, those who really are obligate feeders have the instinct to find like-minded kindred and continue searching in the Community.  Maybe the push and pull of interaction in the Community is like the push and pull of washing the soil out of a dirty cloth–eventually, in all the motion, something will come out clean.

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