To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure if I’m currently having a breakdown, a breakthrough or this is just a regular, run-of-the-mill anxiety attack. At any rate, I seem to have hit that wall that I assume that most serious members of the Vampire Community eventually crash into.
I’m burned out.
Given, my time as a conscious, participating member hasn’t been that long. Let’s just assume that my involvement in the GVC grew naturally out of my time in the general Pagan/Magickal Community…so that my experience with people who belong to fringe groups has been a continuous series of interactions.
I’m thinking of this as an adjustment period. I am accepting and getting used to particular working conclusions about what I can expect out of the General Vampire Community…and therefore, with what I will feel comfortable with contributing.
I identify as an Energy Vampire, a Psychic Vampire and/or an Eros Vampire, depending on the situation in which I share this information. Whenever I use any of these terms, it is at the beginning of a longer dialog. These labels are shorthand introductions which I explain in fuller detail, for the purposes of a deeper or longer conversation. I don’t use these terms to get a reaction or for shock value. I am way beyond thinking that these terms impress people, except when used in role play.
I use these terms because they seem to be the best to use, at the moment. As they are generally defined in the Community, they encapsulate the experience of those of us who have a particular reality–a subjective experience, a perception, a way of dealing with our internal and external worlds. From the outside, some people consider energy vampirism a sort of religion….to me, it is more of a philosophy to describe our particular life experience, as we understand it.
That being said, I share my personal experience to be helpful to those in the world who have a similar perception of their experience in this reality. My secondary intention is to be helpful to those who do not necessarily relate to the same experiences, but get something positive out of sharing any of my information or perspective.
Here is where my ego is becoming frustrated–I perceive so many people who do not necessarily believe that they are having the same internal experience as an energy vampire; but are much more caught up in wanting other people to perceive that they are something special, glamorous, frightening or unique. I completely accept that this is my problem–that I am reacting to others…that on some level, what they think matters to me.
From what I see and how I interpret it, there are not many magickal, metaphysical or spiritual people. Many people dip into the waters for occasional or superficial references–but, as far as people who live through the constant reference system….those people are few and far between.
If this is the way it is, I will eventually readjust and accept that. What seems to be misleading for most of us is that some of us become accustomed to the idea that people are religious or spiritual, because of what they tell us. As far as living like a spiritual being, some of us are not so constant in our reference points.